just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
40s are totally the cure
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
