after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
