Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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