dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
