don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
