He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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