If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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