Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
