I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize