My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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