i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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