We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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