you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
