Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
