I faked an abortion last night.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
