hell yes lets make some ravioli
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
