When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
