she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
oh god was she eating orange peels again
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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