we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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