I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
