Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
