I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize