I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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