I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
