Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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