I wish I could teleport
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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