can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
