are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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