so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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