and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
