The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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