I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
