I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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