Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
