he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
