I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize