in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
