I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
