4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The air taste purple.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
