I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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