Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
