yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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