How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
