this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
