When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
