You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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