i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
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i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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