why didn't you poke me back
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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