dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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