She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
