Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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