she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
