Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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