dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
