My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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