I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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