yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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