I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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