I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
