my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
