im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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