Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
