Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
