Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
