It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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