Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
