then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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