I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
