he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
