you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
