i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
