You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
